Beware, an Aquarius With Scorpio Rising May Be More Than You Bargained For

Run from an Aquarius
From my Casper The Unholy Ghost Series, written in 2014

I’d run like the wind if I had it to do over again

I know a few things I didn’t know a few years ago. One of those things is that if I discovered my new love interest was born between January 21 and February 20th, I would break the glass, pull the fire alarm, and flee! But then, I have been diagnosed with AAAM (Acquired Aversion to Aquarian Men.)

I am an Aquarius female who was married to an Aquarius male for decades. My runaway husband, Casper The Unholy Ghost, was an Aqua like me. The irony of our astrological pairing makes it fodder for some pretty irreverent satire. Two Aquarians in one household? Quick! Call 911.

Keep reading if you’re unfamiliar with natal astrology and have no idea what would be so funny or dangerous about this scenario.

High Voltage Lines

Take a look at the glyph for the sign of Aquarius above. See those two wavy lines? They represent energy, the stuff life is made of — the juju — the juice. Now look again, this time more closely. See how those two lines of electricity are running parallel and in synchrony? That gives an Aquarian-Aquarian union an easy-breezy energy flow — sometimes. 

Now, imagine one (or both) of those high-voltage lines suddenly going rogue. Those energy waves diverge and become like Ricochet Rabbits. When this happens, raw electricity bounces everywhere.

Mind Meld

Aquarians pride themselves on being mentalists — deep thinkers. That is admirable, as it can be a wonderful thing. However, when considering a potential mate, one needs to understand that these homo sapiens arrived on the earth, out of the out-of-the-box, with zero compunction to open up about themselves. It’s an option they can willfully choose, but it’s not their default setting.

Aquarians have no desire to expose their inner sanctum to an ‘other’ purely for the sake of so-called intimacy. They’re pleased existing in their comfort zones. This means they will be walking around all day doing all that deep thinking — expecting everyone to magically intuit what’s going on inside their large craniums.

Aquarians are a Contradiction of Terms

While they deeply desire emotional intimacy, they view it as a considerable risk—equivalent to the possible death of individuality—the one thing they value above all.

So what do they do?

They play the aloof card with anyone who starts getting too close. On the other hand, they jump in with both feet regarding loving and connecting with humanity.

Huh?

Let me put it another way: your Aquarius will be the first to storm the castle to liberate the disenfranchised or mistreated groups. However, regarding close relationships and family members, the stiff arms while Sting sings ‘Don’t Stand So Close to Me’ in the background.

That’s because, to an Aquarian, it’s all about the collective ‘us.’ Meanwhile, back at the ranch, they’re icing the very individuals who love and care for them the most.

See what I mean?

When you get an Aquarius, you get a highly intelligent and perceptive individual with all these cerebral conversations— but only in their heads. You MUST understand this concept going in, or you will find yourself forever scratching your head, wondering what’s up with these kooky enigmas.

But He ‘Gets’ Me

You and your Aquarius love will have a definite mental connection. Nothing is more appealing to an Aquarius than sharing the same ideology. At times, you may be led to think you’ve found your soulmate.

Not so fast, sweetheart.

The caveat here is that without much hard work at communicating openly, your Aqua will always believe other people should already know what they’ve been thinking—never mind that they haven’t had the courtesy to verbalize any of it!

Trying to form a permanent connection with an afflicted Aquarius is like playing whack-a-mole with invisible varmints. Life with them is more than just some crazy form of carnival entertainment. It is a perpetual game of charades.

Here’s the Takeaway

Suppose you are (even remotely!) considering signing up for a relationship with an Aqua and expecting that relationship to include a healthy component of intimacy. In that case, you may be in for a rude awakening.

Protect your heart. Please ask for someone to keep you in protective custody if you must, but do anything (else) until the crazy urge to couple with one of these charming hunks subsides. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Divest your holdings in the hotels you’ve built on Boardwalk and Park Place.

Trust me when I say this: it can unexpectedly turn into a Mad Hatters’ Tea Party when you least expect it.

Odds Are

There’s a joke about Aquarians. Experts will tell you that there’s a fine line between their brilliance and their eccentricity (some say insanity). Don’t believe me? Ask any professional astrologer.

So unless you’ve been traveling with the circus since you were 12 and already perfected the art of tightrope walking in your daredevil act — get out of Dodge now.

You run the risk of your relationship wobbling atop high-voltage lines — only to find yourself jolted by a rogue current and electrocuted suddenly.

What? You Still Haven’t Run Yet?

Okay, let me put it even more clearly. I’ll talk slower this time, so you’ll surely not miss anything. It’s more than a remote possibility that you’ll be walking along one day, thinking all is well, and then — ZAP! — your kooky Aquarius short circuits and suddenly goes missing.

You? You’ll find yourself charred, flipped upside down, and on the ground — still smoking.

I Have It On Good Authority

I was married for 29 years to a fellow Aquarius, born on January 26. After 29 years of marriage, he ghosted me unexpectedly on Valentine’s Day–never to be seen again. My biological father was also an Aquarius, born on January 28. He suddenly abandoned a sequence of seven (yes, 7!) of his wives.

As you can imagine, my siblings and I usually omit this from the family resume and dinner party conversations.

You may be reading this thinking I’m using some broad brush strokes. I am — for satire purposes. Admittedly, not every Aquarius male in the universe is like my Runaway Romeo or my biological father.

And yes, it’s possible that the Aqua you’re interested in actually plays with a full deck. If you’re lucky and were born under a fortunate star, yours may even deal from the top of it. But then again, a meteor could hit the earth tomorrow. Just sayin’.

Drawing Straws

My runaway ex wasn’t the textbook tie-dyed, headband-wearing hippie, preaching peace and love to the world kind of Aquarius. He wasn’t even a humanitarian. Nor was he the concerned-for-the-underdog type of Aquarius. No, my Aqua male was more like a bucket-full-of-crazy.

There I go, being over the top again with my humor. He did occasionally emit a few sparks of humanity in the early stages of our marriage. However, I suspect those sparks were merely to keep me off guard, hooked, and looking for the best in him.

I say this because when I wasn’t paying attention, he discharged all his megawatts all at once — and burned the barley fields on his way out.

Don’t you hate it when that happens?

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